I came to realise that I have been blaming too much on Xi Yu, that she couldn't sleep well, and kept waking up at night. I have been thinking a lot these days, I read the past post entries in my blog and I tried to remember as much as I can when Hao Re was about this age.
And the conclusion is - it's not Xi Yu, but it's ME, the evil mum, who has been putting the blame on Xi Yu repeatedly, who has been very impatient with Xi Yu, who has been a horrible mum to Xi Yu :-(
For parents like us, who don't want to sleep-train our kids, we know very well that it takes (a lot of ) time and patience to put a baby (and toddler) to bed. And that's what we did for Hao Re. We spent a lot of time every night to put him to bed, and with that I meant we carried him, sang to him, patted him, walked him, etc, for sometimes up to an hour, every night. Back then, I didn't complain at all. Okay, to be honest, I did complain a few times when I was really tired and when Hao Re didn't want to sleep after spending more than an hour in the bedroom. We took in all his requests, and all his nonsense. When he was sick, I carried him all night so that he could sleep well on me, and that too without a single word of complain.
For Xi Yu, it's the same thing. No sleep training. Though a lot of kind mummies offered their advise that we should sleep train Xi Yu since we have 2 kids to handle now, and that would make our life much easier. We didn't. So we still go use the same method, carrying, walking, singing, patting, etc, and it takes times and patience, and we know that.
Sound like we are following the Standard Operating Procedure and shouldn't be any problem, right?
What's went wrong then? Really, nothing wrong with Xi Yu. A baby is like that and should be like this, just like Hao Re when he was this age. Sometimes he refused to sleep, sometimes he took longer time to fall asleep, sometimes he wanted to be listening more nursery ryhtm before he could sleep soundly....... you know, it's not normal that a baby fall asleep the same way every night, don't you agree? She is just like Hao Re, not much different.
So ya, all the problems lie within me, the evil mum. I lost my patience when Xi Yu couldn't fall asleep as fast as last night/last week, I scolded her when she wanted to turn to another position and thus take longer time to fall asleep, I beat her on her fat butt when she made noise, I left her in the room when she couldn't sleep after 1 hour, etc, etc, all these things that I shouldn't be doing and I didn't do it on Hao Re. So unfair.
Being the second child is an unfortunate thing? I myself is the 2nd child in the family, but then my mum is the most patient and most wonderful mum in the world, so she would never have done that to me, I am very sure.
What I am hoping now is that Xi Yu won't remember this when she grows up (she won't right? Please tell me she won't). I hope that this scolding, screaming and beating won't leave a scar in her tender heart. I hope that she would forgive me for being so horrible to her. I hope that I can hold my temper better and try harder to be a good (and fair) mum to Xi Yu. I hope I can one day love her as much as I love Hao Re (after these few months, the biasness has improved, but still not balanced yet, I am working hard on this too).
Last night was one of the worst night that I had to pass Xi Yu to hubby after spending an hour in the bedroom. I was not feeling well as I caught the bugs from Hao Re, and I was very tired from work (huh, excuses, excuses!). So grateful for my dear hubby who was so kind to take over Xi Yu so that I can have a good night sleep, even though the timing clashed with the World Cup (a man who choose his kids over World Cup must be a great man, mustn't he?). And I really missed hugging Hao Re to sleep (see, still so bias......)
Stay positive! Things will only get better, sooner or later!
(Note to hubby: remember to remind me again and again, to be patient and to be a loving mum to Xi Yu, okay!).
And some asked, if I were to do this again (i.e., if we were to have #3), from this experience, would we then sleep train him/her? The answer is, still, no.